Hepausedinhisstride,fightingtheurgetogobak.Heouldn’tgobak,hereallyouldn’t.HedoubtedProfessorMGonagallwasstillup,butthepossibilitythatDraoalledherdownwastoogreat.Notthathispresenewouldhangeanything.Hewouldeathisownshoesifhewasn’tonthetrainbaktoKing’sCrossattheendofthesummer.Hemukeditup.Butdidn’thealways.
Heresumedhiswalkofshamebaktowardshisorridors.Hewouldbeginpakingtonight.Hedidn’tknowwherehewouldgo.Well,baktoGrimmauldPe,obviously,buthedidn’tknowwhathewoulddo.Thehope,orratherthefantasy,thatDraohadwantedhim,eveninasmallway,hadreallybeenoneoftheonlythoughtshehadtakensoeinsinethewar.Andnow…andnowheknewthatDrao,aliveandwell-well,aliveandbreathingandbetterthandead,ifnotexatlywell—wantedhimbutwouldn’thavehim.Orwantedhim,butnotenough.Orhadwantedhim,atsomepoint,butdidn’tanymore.
Hemarvelledatthefatthatitdidn’tmakehimfeelanybetter,toknowthatinsomepeandtimeofDraoMalfoy’slife,hehadfeltsomethingforHarry.Buthesupposedthatwasbeausetheknowledgemadeallofhisimaginedlossesreal.Theawkwardfirstfewmealstheywouldhavesharedafterthewar,bothworriedthattheotherwasjustgoingthroughthemotionsofbeingiviltohelpmovealongthepost-warunitymovement.Thefirstfewautioustouhesthatwouldleadthembothtooverthink,beausesurely,surelyhehadn’tmeant—Buthadhe?Andwhentheyrealizedthattheotherhadmeantit,thentheywouldbefaingalltherebuildingtheyhadtodo,personally,globally,togetherinsteadofseparatelyandsoinrediblyalone.Andmaybethey’dhavefought,sreamedateahotheruntiltheywerehoarse,thrownthings,madeanabsolutetipofGrimmauldPewiththesmallwarstheywagedeverynight,whihwaswhateveryonewouldhaveexpeted.Butmaybetheywouldhavebeenhappy.Harrylikedtothinkthey’dhavebeenhappy.
ButDraohadbeendead.Hehadbeendead,sotherewasbeyondadoubtnopossibilityofthesethoughtsbeingmorethanafantasy.Butnowhewasalive,andifonlyDraowasn’tsosared,ifonlyMGonagallwasn’tsoareful,heouldtry.Itdidn’thavetowork,butgod,hewishedtheyouldtry.
Chapter7
“Mr.Potter,itisratherte.”
“I’msorry,Professor,Irealizethisisaninonveniene.Ifitweren’timportant,Iwouldhavewaiteduntilm,”Harrysaid,fidgetingnervouslyontheothersideofMGonagall’sdesk.“Ineedtomakethisright.”
“Mr.Potter,Ihaven’ttheslightestideaastowhatouldbesowrongthatitwarrantedmakingrightattwointhem,”MGonagallsighed.“Iwasundertheimpressionthattheseunfortunatetenightmeetingsofourswouldendwithyourlearningtobehavelikeanadult.”
“That’swhatIamtryingtodo,Professor.Intellingyou.”
“Tellingmewhat?”
“Ilovehim,Professor.Ilovehimandforhissafety,IfeellikeitwouldbebetterthatIleft,”Harrysaid.“I’msureyouagree.”
MGonagallfroze.
“I’msureIdon’tknowwhatyoumean.”
“Thewolf.He’snotsomuhwhiteasheisblonde,isn’the?Haveyoueverseenablondewolf?”
“I’mnotpartiurlywellversedintheolorationpatternsofwolves,Mr.Potter,”MGonagallrepliedslowly.
“Therewasn’tabody,”Harryontinued.
“Whatdoyoumeanabody?Doyoususpetthewolfofhavingkilledsomeone?Surelynotastudent,therearenoneleftonthegrounds.”
“Professor,you’resmarterthanthis.Don’tdomethedisservieofpretendingyouaren’t.Hismother’stestimonywastheonlyreasonwehadtobelievethepileofasheswashim.Therewasnoidentifiablebody.”
“How?”MGonagallasked,herfaedarkeningastheatshewasputtingonfellaway.
“Ijustknew,”Harrylied.Hedidn’twantDraotogetintroubleforthis,forhislivingarratobeomeanymorediffiultthanitalreadywas.Hejustwantedhimtobehappy,ashappyasheouldbelivingasaghost.Beausethat’swhathewasnow.Amanlivinginthewalls,venturingoutintothedark,neverspeakingtoanotherlivingsoul.Aphantomofhisformerself.“Ifthepersonyouhadfalleninlovewithwasloseby,wouldn’tyoufeelthem,Professor?Wouldn’tyoujustknow?”
“Mr.Potter.Harry.Youuandhowimportantitisthatnooneknowshe’salive?”
“Yes.Idon’tuandwhyyoutwohavedonewhatyou’vedone.Butitmusthavebeenwhathewanted.Ijustwanthimtobehappy.”
“Ifthattrulyisyourmainonern,thenyoumustalsouandwhyyouleavingputsabadtasteinmymouth.Itrustyou,Potter.Impliitly.Butoneslipup,andhissafetyisinjeopardy.Measuresmustbetaken,”MGonagallontinued.
Right,Harrythought.She’llwanttoobliviateme.
“YoumustuandthatMr.Malfoy’shappinessandsafetyisalsomyfirstandforemostonern.Afterall,Iriskedlifeandlimbevenbringinghimhereinthefirstpe.”
“Ofourse,”Harryreplied,pushingdownthesikfeelinginhisstomah.
Obviously,fettingwouldbethebestourseofationforallpartiesinvolved.Heouldgobaktohisfantasieswithoutknowingtherewasevenaminutehaneofthemomingtofruition.DraoandMGonagallwouldremainoutofharm’sway.Everyoneomesoutawinner.Maybewinnerwastoostrongaword.
“IneedtoonsultMr.Malfoy.ItrustIantakethetimetodothatwithouthavingtoworryaboutyoudoinganythingrash?”
“Ofourse.”
“ThenIwillseeyouinafewhours,Mr.Potter.”
Andwiththathewasdismissed.
“Wakeup.”
Draowasstartledoutofhissleepbysomeoneshakinghisshoulder.
“Weneedtotalk,”MGonagallsaid,promptlyexitinghisbedroom.
Shehadneveromeintohisapartmentsbeforewhil
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